Why Can’t Men Have Their Own Spaces Anymore? [And How It’s Harming Men.]

Men in a Safe Space Playing Cards with Friends

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Why can’t men have male-only spaces for gender-specific support, interaction, and validation? Given that women have many female-only areas such as gyms (Ex. Curves), business clubs (Ex. The Wing in NYC), summer camps (Ex. Compact), and universities (Ex. Cambridge College), it’s apparent a huge double standard exists. Starting in the 1970s, Men’s clubs and restaurants were targeted by feminist advocacy groups with great success. Furthermore, following a 1987 Supreme Court decision, states could ban male-only clubs and businesses due to sex discrimination. This ruling started a trend of women joining men’s clubs merely to shut them down. Long-standing organizations such as the Free Masons and Odd Fellows were forced to dissolve. Consequently, areas for young men to congregate and establish meaningful bonds with other men have disappeared across America. The devastating effects on society are just now becoming clear. Male depression [APA] and suicide [Psychology Today] are at an all-time high. The purity of masculinity in men has become corrupted.

Gender equality is a noble goal, but now the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction and males have no spaces of their own. To the modern man, it feels like he is being pushed into an ever-shrinking box at work, at play, and even at home. Any expression of angst by men over their lack of “safe” spaces is currently held by the media and feminist organizations in contempt. Why is the loss of men’s spaces so important to men and society?

Men need gender-specific support

‘Having a Woman’s-Only Space Matters’ stated Zoe Fenson in her article title in The Week. Yet men are denied the same right? Feminists speak of the need to communicate the female experience, yet isn’t the male experience also unique? Feminists push for women-only spaces as places to empower and encourage interactivity—even though the very same right has been taken away from men.

Men already have difficulty establishing meaningful friendships with nearly 1 in 5 reporting they don’t have a single close friend, a tragic statistic. Often, males are reluctant to display any kind of vulnerability for fear of being seen as less than masculine. Unfortunately, this reluctance maintains a weak support network of those who can offer guidance on certain areas of the male experience: masculinity in relationships, divorce and child custody, and men’s health issues. This is not to mention a shoulder to lean on and bear the increasingly toxic modern culture exhibited toward males.

Female spouses may try to empathize with their male partners who are depressed and struggling, however, they can’t effectively support them due to the vastly different masculine experience. Women simply don’t see the world or experience society like men do. Men need the benefits of male-only spaces to share life experiences and receive validation, advice, and perspective.

Society, however, is not meeting men’s needs, which is evidenced by unfavorable trends in body image, health-seeking, depression, and suicides in men.

·       Body image: Men are experiencing increasing mental issues due to poor body image, with harmful corollaries. One study by the [Journal of Eating Disorders] noted that 25% of young males exhibit eating disorder behavior.  10% of men are believed to have a [mental disorder] called muscle dysmorphia. This affliction causes males to have an exercise addiction, which is worsened by the “Superhero” physique promoted by movies and social media.

·       Lack of health-seeking behaviors: Men lead in 14 of the 15 top causes of death largely due to men’s poor health-seeking behaviors [webmd.com]. Not surprisingly, men will prolong seeing a doctor and often self-treat with alcohol or drugs.

·       Surging male depression: 30.6 percent of males report depression, and 10% report daily depression[apa.org].

·       Suicides: Male suicides are over 4 times that of women, with 80% of all suicides being men [male suicide stats]. From 2008 to 2017, suicidal thoughts in men were reportedly up by 47%.

The value of gender-specific programs for men has been supported by a 2019 study by PLOS ONE. Men from 12-25 years of age were identified in 26 groups of data associated with the “implementation of an intervention or health promotion program”.  The study found the eight all-male groups had the greatest benefit from the program with 89% compared to 41% for the gender-neutral program. Members of these programs reported improvement in help-seeking behavior, improved life satisfaction, and decreased anger.

Men Need to Talk Openly

Men need to be able to communicate honestly and openly about the challenges they are facing in life without shame or judgment. This won’t happen in today’s workplaces or public areas in today’s female-slanted, Me2 culture. In workplaces, Hypersensitivity and sexual harassment claims have prompted men to refuse to engage with women outside of work topics. Many barely feel comfortable speaking to other men at work in an increasingly hostile environment. But, where else do they have to go?

Without an empathetic environment to share their fears and their failures, men bottle up their feelings. This stoic individualism fails men as it leads to isolation, depression, and a growing trend of loneliness (46.1% of men currently report [loneliness]).

Lack of friends

Men’s groups used to be places where males bonded and formed lasting friendships. Without the benefit of masculine interaction, men now have few friends with no one to talk to or share with. Men are leading increasingly solitary lives with 15% of men reporting they have no close friends. This number has quintupled in the last 30 years with significant effects seen in men’s mental health. One study of 5000 men by the [HeadsUpGuys] indicated loneliness is one of the most frequent stressors in men’s lives.

Lack of male guidance and validation

For most men, their archetype for masculinity is their father, who provides guidance, advice, and counsel. Sadly, most men without a father figure don’t have this stabilizing presence in their lives, no one with whom they can discuss their life choices. Men may put on a brave face, but we all struggle with indecision and uncertainty about our life decisions and the stress that comes with it.

I lost my father to cancer seven years ago. To this day, I miss being able to hear his advice and approval. Like most men, I don’t have any real substitute with whom I can discuss difficult topics that I can’t share with my wife and daughter. They might try to empathize, but they just wouldn’t understand like another male would. Men are often reluctant to admit this, but they frequently yearn for that father figure to pat them on the back and tell them, “You got this, son!”

Loss of male role models

Young males benefit greatly from male role models. Consequently, boys lacking masculine guidance can have devastating effects on society. It’s well-researched that young boys without fathers or substitute male role models grow up to have issues with decreased emotional control and anger. With no place for male role modeling, single-parent children often end up in the penal system, with decreased income production, increased rates of teenage suicide, and greater involvement in drug trafficking.

Groups like the Boy Scouts that offered substitutes for absent fathers no longer exist, a casualty of the feminist’s war on men and boys. Is it a wonder that men report feeling alone and without guidance in a world 45% of men believe to be hostile to males [ipsos]?

Conclusion

Without male spaces in modern society, men are experiencing a genuine vacuum of masculine guidance and emotional connection.  This has left men wandering spiritually in the darkness with no role models to follow.  The results are clear for men: increased body image issues, poor health habits, and record depression. The full extent of the ramifications for the family in society has yet to be fully realized. If we have not taught the sons of this generation to be men, how will they as fathers protect and teach the next?

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