Bitter woman with chin on hand — Why are women so bitter nowadays?

What holds a grudge more than a neutered junkyard dog, and is ornerier than a sleep-deprived honey badger?

A bitter woman, you say? Hmmm. Let’s talk.

There is a catapulting trend in society today of bitter women flooding social media and real-life spaces with angry comments vilifying the entire gender of men. These toxic women find joy in nothing, gripe about everything, and blame all their troubles on someone else.

And for some unexplainable reason, these women believe their personal trauma and disappointing past experiences are the reality of every single woman on the planet, and if not, they must have ‘internalized misogyny’? Seems like a great way to curate one’s own reality.

What’s causing this toxic behavioral pattern in middle-aged women, and why is it exploding across the cultural landscape? Don’t modern women have more freedom, education, options, and luxuries than in any other previous point in history?

Let’s do a deep dive on this topic. If you are a man and currently choosing to date, rest assured you will encounter these unhappy people and the aura of misery and dysfunction that seems to shadow them. If you are a married man, you are probably facing a common divorce scenario, similar to the [walkaway wife divorce]

Signs of a Bitter Woman:

What are the signs or behaviors of a bitter woman? She tends to—

Complain a lot, but never constructively.
Is always angry to some degree.
Has an attitude she has been mistreated by life, society, and men.
Never accepts responsibility for anything.
Always compares her life to others and believes other people have an unfair advantage.
Believes her poor treatment of others is justified due to wrongs suffered in her past.
Never wants advice or help and wallows in her unhappiness.
Sees life from a paradigm of ‘Everyone is out to get me’, so she better get them all first!
Holds grudges! I mean like intense WWF-style grudges like a wrestler after a chair beatdown.
Craves the ‘spotlight’ and attention, but always gets it through bad behavior.
Believes she is the perpetual victim, despite all facts to the contrary.

BUY US A COFFEE?

Where does the bitterness begin?

In modern times, women are told in their teens and 20s by their parents, media, and peers that women should ‘have it all’. No need to prioritize life goals as she is entitled to get everything she wants, without compromise, commitment, sacrifice, or settling. Women should be able to simultaneously be well-paid professionals, excellent wives, and effortless mothers.

Of course, this generally doesn’t happen. The best jack of all trades can’t shine in every situation or fabricate time out of the air. When her dreams don’t match reality, the Bitter Woman starts to wonder. Is this the life I wanted? Is this the life I was promised?

Then seething resentment comes from the belief she was lied to, that somebody played bait and switch on the life she was promised. Admittedly, quite a bit of feminist propaganda was pushed through the media that was later found to be false.

For instance, the media recently reported the ‘science-backed’ study that single, childless women were statistically happier than married women. This was based mostly on the comments of Paul Dolan, a behavioral scientist from the London School of Economics.

Later it was revealed that Mr. Dolan completely misunderstood the data. On a particular question from the American Time Use Survey, he compared activity-related happiness in women where spouses lived together or apart, not whether the spouse left the room. Consequently, his results were flawed, as stated by Gray Kimbrough, researcher and adjunct professor with the American University's School of Public Affairs. But women believed it, and few media sites even noted the later revelation that Mr. Dolan’s analysis was just plain wrong.

The most common scenario today is a career-only woman hitting her late 30s to early 40s and increasingly comparing her dreamy expectations with the drab grubbiness of her present life. Repeated disappointments are indeed a recipe for sadness and depression.

Perhaps, despite saying to all her friends she believed in [equality] and ‘making her own money’, she chased the wealthiest men but failed at securing one. Maybe she felt cheated. In the process, she was disappointed from being ghosted after so many flings. She competed to secure the most financially successful men only to find wealthy men often prioritize things over people and are unattainable as partners.

Who’d of thought it, right? If you seek to get things, from guys that value things, a woman might get treated like—a thing?

Maybe she wasted her best, most attractive years with handsome but uncaring men. These are ‘the bad boys’ so many females fall prey to. While she may have gotten some exciting drama, good sex, and trips to the Maldives, the relationships all culminated in dead ends and frustration.

Ummm, but couldn’t she have seen that coming?

Or perhaps her financial situation doesn’t measure up to her exacting requirements for ‘the soft life’. Wasn’t she supposed to become effortlessly rich, or at least marry a baron somewhere? What happened?

Or she became the ‘Girl Boss’ at work. It started fun but now feels empty. After all, she’s always being told what to do by somebody up the chain, and embodying the Corporate Mission Statement just isn’t fulfilling anymore. She realizes if she disappeared tomorrow, she’d be forgotten immediately as just another cog in the machine.

Rough epiphany, but haven’t men been dealing with that for centuries?

Studies show the profile of the unhappiest people are generally single unmarried professional women at 42 as noted in Psychology Today [Unhappy people profile]. These women focused on themselves rather than laying the groundwork for later in life with a husband and children—and now they are discontent with the results. The path of me, me, me, ends in little old me and nobody else.

There’s also the subset of bitter women after divorce who figured out marriage wasn’t all the rainbows and roses they thought it would be. She found her spouse doesn’t compare physically or aesthetically to the fun-boys from her past. Or, perhaps he didn’t make the income to provide her the life she aspired to. She left thinking she would trade up to another man, which didn’t work out. And now she’s alone, older, less attractive by the day and just looking in the mirror reignites her resentment at the world.

frowning bitter woman — You just know she’s thinking this is ALL your fault!

Causes for the Bitter Woman’s Behavioral Pattern:

Why have these women become a wellspring of bitterness and toxicity?

Real or perceived traumatic life experiences,
Negative repeated experiences with men they chose.
Physical effects of female aging.
A perceived and very real loss in sexual relevancy with men and society.
A cataclysmic realization of loneliness.
Decreasing self-esteem related to their declining value.
Dissatisfaction when juxtaposing her life against her expectations.
A growing anxiety with the knowledge their situation is worsening, and they have fewer and fewer chances to change the outcome.
A deep unhappiness and resentment in their life situation which they suspect is their fault. They cannot, however, consciously acknowledge to themselves or others any potential culpability.

Are men to blame?

These bitter women say so, but the facts don’t add up. Bitter and distraught women are more common than ever. 25% of women in America are now on psychiatric medications used mostly for depression [The Guardian]. Per a recent Gallup World Poll, women are angrier than men in the last decade by at least 6 full percentage points and rising.

Have men changed? Not regarding women that we can tell. Infidelity runs steady at 20%, domestic violence against females has been on the steady decline year over year, and 80% of divorces are female-initiated. Historically, men’s behavior in the dating market is reactive to women’s. Men are lonelier with fewer friends and do seem to be seeking relationships less, but nothing that seems to have any direct effect on how men treat women.

In effect, guys are pretty much like they have always been in their treatment of women. Just a bit more gun-shy about committing.

What to do if you are Married to an Increasingly Bitter Woman?

What should you do as a man if you’re trapped with a woman who gets increasingly more surly, unappreciative, and resentful in the marriage? How do you fix a woman who expects you to magically know how to make her happy again–without any work on her part? Well, there are ways of dealing with [anger in women in marriage], but without any acceptance of her part in creating her disappointments in life?

You can try discussing how you both as man and woman have crucial differences in how you see the relationship and behaviors.

You can try pointing out the choices she made and the results. See if she can demonstrate some responsibility.
You can try reviewing the good things and good memories in your life, that so many people don’t have.
You can try counseling where another person’s perspective might change her mindset and worldview.
You can try communicating with her in ways she will understand, using words that connect with her experience if you can.

But honestly? You, as her husband, don’t stand much of a chance to change her behaviors without her ‘buying in’ to accountability. And as far as her present mindset and emotional state of being? That’s up to her.

Only she can choose to see the truth through honest introspection.
Only she can demonstrate accountability for her actions.
Only she can accept her previous choices and change her behavior.
Only she can fix herself by correcting her toxic mindset.
Only she can realize her selfish tendencies and can redirect her energies to caring for others.
Only she can give up the path of toxic femininity and bitterness for good.

You certainly can’t make her see the truth.
You certainly can’t fix her, because she can’t accept that she’s broken.
You certainly can’t make her take responsibility for her life choices.

Acceptance of life outcomes comes from deep within, a place of maturity and wisdom often never reached, especially by bitter women. All a man can do is give her time and space to figure things out. Or give her freedom—as in letting her go. Those are the only two pragmatic choices…or you can walk the bitter road with her and become corrupted yourself. Don’t let yourself fall into the pit of depression.

Conclusion:

Once you know and understand the background, signs, and causes of the Bitter Woman syndrome it’s up to you: tolerate her, fix her, or nix her. Their bitterness almost always comes with an inability to accept accountability in life. Is that your problem? Do you want to cuddle a cactus and make it your problem?

The men married to bitter women face a grueling slog of pulling the bitter woman caboose to the Accountability Station when she’s fighting you every step of the way.

I submit that no family member or friend, no husband or counselor will likely fix them. Give her some space and time to figure it out herself, but it's generally too late to turn it around. Honestly, most of them are past the point of saving.

It’s often wisest to just leave these bitter women be.

Enjoy our content? Please share it with your friends and become a Torchbearer for the Bonfire Network! Or come join the discussion on FB and Twitter X with the Brotherhood.