The 13 Pillars of Joy for Men [How to Find Happiness as a man]

What are the pillars of joy to recharge your masculinity as a man?

Do you ever feel worn down by life? Are you bone-deep weary from grinding away to overcome the growing stack of bills, making everyone at work and home happy, but losing yourself?

The unending struggle men go through daily makes it feel like every moment is used to fulfill someone else’s needs until we are finally allowed to reach our mattress and collapse in exhaustion. Only to wake up and start the whole routine over again.

If you’re burned out, how do you find happiness again? How do you recharge your [masculinity], to get back your energy and drive to achieve? What activities will help you climb out of the pit of yawning [depression] so many men eventually face today?

We all want to be happy, but we can’t always find the path back to happiness, lost in the race for stuff and status in the modern world. Sometimes, you just need a little guidance, a point in the right direction, to find your way back to your masculine center. Here are 13 decisive actions men can take to restore their masculinity and recover their sense of joy.

1.     Build something:

Make something that involves using your hands. Men are builders by nature, but our jobs don’t always fulfill that need. Having something you create from your mind’s eye and seeing it used is immensely gratifying. Be it furniture, a go-cart, a doghouse, or even a chicken coop, just make it yourself.  It doesn’t have to be a big project, even small wooden trinkets, or gadgets will do. It’s all about experiencing the power of creation.

2.     Become a mentor and teach:

After the warrior phase of men’s lives, the battles at work can grow repetitive and unsatisfying. Men often get a second wind on life from changing their role to that of a mentor or teacher in passing on their skills, training, wisdom to others. Guiding younger generations of men to excel is very satisfying.  You are leaving your mark, a legacy for the future.

3.     Start a business:

Starting a business is hard work, but it helps a man grow spiritually. Watching your ideas grow from conception to completion is fresh and exciting.  Furthermore, every obstacle to bring a product or service to market makes you a little stronger, a little more capable, and feel a little more manly. One day, just maybe, this business can offer an early release from the soul-crushing cubicle farm.

4.     Reconnect with your partner:

Ground out by the rote monotony of life, it’s all too easy for the spark to fade in relationships. Too easy for lovers to become roommates. But, with a little effort to reconnect, it can ignite again. Take some time together to reflect on your partner and understand her dreams, fears, and frustrations. Look at some picture albums and home videos of your bonding moments in the past. Go somewhere special to help you remember the reasons you grew to love her. Most relationships ebb and flow through the years, but it takes intention and reinvestment to keep riding the waves. If you’re a family man, your wife and children are your greatest strength and your greatest vulnerability, so make the effort to reconnect.

5.     Try Taking care of someone:

 Although it’s not a skill set most men are taught, men can be exceptional caregivers. It would likely shock you to know that the statistics of single dads reveal better outcomes than those for children of single mothers [Medium]. I can tell you with utter certainty—being a dad is awesome! Even if you don’t have a child, grow inside by taking care of someone like a niece or nephew, a grandparent, or become a big brother to a young boy.  There is joy in caring for others and watching them grow under your leadership. It’s counter-intuitive but sometimes to make yourself feel better, you need to make someone else feel better first.

To regain your joy, you have to actively pursue it.

6.     Express your thoughts in public:

Everyone has something to say, but few are so bold to stand up and be heard. Be it in person, talking on the radio, or writing in a blog, dare to let your perspective be released to the world. Try some public speaking or performance activities. Dealing with the attention of an audience is daunting but oh so very satisfying. Also, speaking your mind is a great work skill that enriches masculinity.

7.     Take part in acts of local charity:

You should take part in charity with no expectation of attention or reward. I don’t mean giving money to aggressive charities when pressured because you feel like you must--forget that! I mean look out for opportunities to help your neighbors, local charities doing good work and serving the community. Become a part of that.

Yes, it’s good to be frugal with your resources when you’re young, but if you aren’t giving back to others, you are missing out.  There is a web of human connections that we often forget exists, and we are strengthened by its presence. Acts of kindness feed the soul.

8.     Spend time alone in nature:

Sometimes the press of people day in and day out becomes intolerable, always demanding things, always talking. And the rat race to perform at activities that have little meaning can depress you. At those times you need to return to simplicity to restore spiritual [purity] by getting back to nature, preferably alone. You need a place to meditate: a hunting cabin, a forest retreat, a fishing tip to the lake, or even just a early morning jaunt to the park. A few hours of natural solitude can give you the peace of mind to deal with the world again. You’d be surprised that just a few moments of quiet can lead to Eureka moments of lasting solutions to your life problems too.

Get back to nature to recharge.

9.     Seek something wondrous to see and experience:

I find every time I learn something mind expanding, or see something wondrous, I experience a tick-up in happiness. So if your world seems tiny and uninteresting, go visit some natural wonders. Like the rainbow mountains of Peru, or the bioluminescent beaches of the Maldives, or the Giant’s Causeway in Ireland. There are many amazing things to see and experience in this world, more than you’d probably imagine. At the very least look some of these places up on youtube. Upon seeing the possibilities of this world, how could you not feel some childish wonder to break you out of a very adult rut?

10. Explore the exotic:

Most of us live in a small pond and think this is all there is. Remember though that others live in very different cultures, with different rules to follow and exotic backgrounds. Take a moment to reach out to somebody different, by going to a cultural hub, or maybe talk to somebody from a foreign country to spark a conversation. There are millions of people around the world leading different lives. It’s exciting to even get a sample of the diversity in the human experience. Experiencing something new and exotic brings your world out of the humdrum and helps you realize there’s still interesting things to see in this lifetime.

 11. Get a dog:

Pets are unique in that they offer unconditional love (food bowl aside).  Regardless of the day you’ve had, dogs are all wags and smiling eyes.  It can be quite a mood lifter.   Plus, your pet’s loyalty is unquestionable.

12.   Do something crafty:

All day we work to accomplish tasks under rigid guidelines and rules from bosses to do things in just such a way. It’s so nice sometimes to make something to express ourselves where there are no expectations or rules. Where accidents are fortuitous learning experiences. You can draw, paint, carve wood, sculpt, make pottery, make glass or ceramic serving ware, there are limitless choices. And you can do the activities alone or with other people in groups. It’s a great way of meeting people and cultivates a side of your personality that may be underdeveloped.

13.         Defeat your fears:

Everyone has something that scares them. Some men are chased by their fears for their entire lives all because they were too afraid to face their Boogeyman. But when you are stuck in a spiritual stupor, there is no greater rush than through a fear you have and defeating it. Sometimes the best joy is the removal of pain, the clearing of uncertainty, and banishing of fear. This achievement spurs character growth, improves mental health, and recharges a man’s masculinity allowing him to resume the path to happiness once again.

Conclusion:

So having read the tips to rekindle the fires of masculinity within you, I hope you realize the take home message to regain joy is DO something new. Take decisive action by doing something different to break your life’s stifling routine.

Without new things to excite you, life gets stale. Days pass with only the swinging clock hands to witness the passage of time. So, push yourself to experience the new and wonderous. Do things to stimulate your hungry for life, and anticipation to savor each special moment in time. We each only have a finite number of heartbeats—make the most of them!

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• If you enjoyed this article and have your own thoughts on the biggest joys in life, come step up to the bonfire and add your kindling comments to discussion. I’d love to hear them!

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